A Story from the Mind of a Child - My Child (no not my inner child - the fruit of my loins child)

PEOPLE IN THE SOUND HOUSE
By Matthew (age 5) as recited to Mommy
March 5, 2000

Once upon a time there was a house with people in it. The people were in their house when Godzilla came. Godzilla can fly in the sky and he broke the house down. The "Pookeys" came to help the people. It was snowy that day. "Powats" came and then the police. "Boogies" came with their fire suits on (coo coo suits). The "Nanagaboots" came with a dinosaur bone. (They make fossils). The C.D guys came with their drumsticks.

A guy gave some flowers to a mouse and bought some fur for a cat. The mouse was smooching in the kitchen. Then the mouse went inside his house.

Once upon a time there was a little boy named "Daddy" in the old days when he was a little kid. He went in his house before Godzilla came - his friend, Godzilla. In the happy days when daddy was big and mommy was big, there was a dog named Mimi who drives trucks. Mimi was a smart dog - he was a nice big dog. He cared about the robot.

There were two robots fighting in the city because all the cars were crashed.

Gate Crashing Queue Jumping Budinskis

A big crowd is waiting for the bus at the Station, lineup stretching all the way down the stairs.
There's these people who just go straight on up (?)
- defiant and pretentious "Excuse me...Excuse me"
...with a look that's says:
"You guys are in line for the back doors...
We're front door loading Patrons....Suckers!"

When I finally get closer to the bus I notice those pricks..I mean people are now rear loading!!
Like we didn't know THAT was going to happen!!!
Why do you think I was blocking your way on the steps, Wanker?
( I had to let you pass cause you had the password, damn!!)

And to further complete the insult - guess whose "seat" I am "standing" by?

I like the chef from the Lillydale chicken commercial.

Hobbits Rock

I have this wee friend
Wee being the operative word
He's on the shorter side of tall
But no less of a man
He packs a lot of punch into his small stature
He's amazingly clever with a quick wit
He's inquisitive and engaging

Out one night together
My friend returns from the men's room
Reserved for all men of all sizes
He's all feisty and hot
Obviously disturbed by something

What's up with you? I ask
He's like
See that guy over there
Yeah You Buddy
I glance back over my shoulder at the big brute of a boy in the football jersey

He reports:
While relieving himself of the nights Pops he overhears....
(Hey those ears aren't just for decoration you know)
............"Hobbit"
The ears prick up
Wha?
Turning toward the sound
He confronts his accuser
"You Just Call Me A Hobbit!!!?"
......no response
Fag
He rebuts

I'm proud of my friend
(Well, he shouldn't have used the "F" word)
He stands up for himself
Stands tall in my eyes
That night as we travel home on the streetcar
Two drunken friends....Ok, One Drunk....the other on Pop

I tell him:

"You know, (hic) I have this Irish friend, Eddy, (hic) and he's reeeeeally cute (pause while reviewing image of Ed in head..oh yeah!!!) and when I saw Lord of the Rings (insert charming belch here) I thought one of those Hobbits looked like Eddy and remember I said you reminded me of someone, well it's Eddie....so maybe at the end of the day you do resemble a Hobbit...
but Hobbits are ADORABLE dude!!"

He was strangely Ok with that.

Mo

Mo
Originally uploaded by Raine1.

Between "Nothing" and "Nothing More"

So you're in a relationship.
As outlined in "So You're Having a Relationship - Don't Tell Them"

They have to call you something
It would be rude to have no title for you
Since they've been @#$%ing the pants off of you for quite some time

So they select "Really Special Friend"
Delivered with a smug......check mate
How crafty
@#$% buddy would have gotten them tossed out, and it's raining

You won't slap them - its sounds so nice - (plus they like that)

Still, you reveal your offense
They think this is crazy...it's a compliment, silly!!
Oh - You must want to be "more" - that's it!

What?......more than nothing.

Being A Really Special Friend guy definition is not all that its cracked up to be
It doesn't mean you're friends for life you know
Or that you're the best...(see Best Friend)

It puts you in that place (kinda like purgatory)
between nothing and nothing more

Don't go there!!

So, You're Having a Relationship - Don't Tell Them

They do nice stuff for you....
You do nice stuff for them....
You go out You stay in
There's Hugs
And holding hands
Phone calls are involved
They cook you dinners....even bringing the raw food with them
They do this on the important day of the week....
Saturday (Days/Weekends off)
Of their own free will
They bring the food, prepare the food and consume the food in dim light with you along with that bottle of wine they were packing in their jacket
So Sweet!!!
Then there's cuddling
And to find a them that actually says out loud!!
"Come on over here and Snuggle with me"
Well, I'm IN!
Spooning on Saturday nights
Naughty bits too
And sleepovers
Warm and cozy under the covers
Squabbling about "sides"
With them

"Porefection"

I'm staying in tonight - I have a big pore.

It WAS a bump.
Back in July.
Due to slathering on a childs bubblegum scented, purple sunscreen SPF Stay Indoors 78.
The intensity of the Cuban sun proved too much for my delicate skin and I had to resort to borrowing a product with breakout potential.
So this bump bugged the crap out of me.
And I thought I could bug the crap out of it.
Its been a long journey for me an that bump
(no gory details people nothing to see here) but after much touching and gentle squeezing
it's a HOLE!
To me it sticks out (well IN actually) like a sore thumb...
and my thumb got hurt too during my unsuccessful attempt at cosmetic surgery.

So I'm staying in.

How does botox work?

Dude looks like a Lady

Today I unconsciously addressed my friend Frances as....."Fran the Man" (a moniker usually reserved for guys called Dan).
Frances was not impressed as you can well imagine and some back peddaling on my part was in order.
Cause I like Fran the Man and want to keep her as a fan.
I explained that girls are calling other girls "dude" now......that its perfectly acceptable and had her name been Judy I would have said "Jude the Dude". She seems to have bought it. And we've moved on.

So how come guys don't talk to other guys this way?

Stan To Bill: hey Lass, wanna go shoot some stick
Bill to Stan: pool and beer, yeah lets go School-Girl sounds like a plan
Stan to Bill: Ok Young Woman....later

yeah..ok...guys start talking like that to other guys and they're gonna get knocked out

So guess I got off easy today with Fran the Man....I walked away with just a warning

going post all

Ok..blog's set up..
now what?
...real good at "commenting" to fellow blogger Mitz of OOH LA LA fame..but this is making me nervous...making me feel...yes - NAKED!!! Think I'll sleep on it.....I'll get back to this when I'm dressed